25 Things You Don't Need to Know About the Writer

1. I love Hackney, East London. Seriously. Love the place. I know this wouldn’t be the case if I wasn’t raised there, but I was –so I do. When I'm tired of Hackney I'll be tired of the West
2. I love Ghana. Even more than Hackney. Make no mistake, everybody’s trying to hustle you, there are very few pavements, some tell me I don’t belong there because I was raised abroad (see number#1) but I still love it. If God insists that I die, then it should be there I'd want to go.
3. I have an unhealthy love of Star Trek-The Next Generation (the one with the bald White captain) and Star Trek-DS9 (the one with the bald Black captain). I'm definitely not a nerd but have seen every episode way more than once.
4. I think Jack Nicholson is the coolest white man that’s ever lived.
5. I don’t particularly want to be a millionaire. I just need a Pound more than I can spend. A Cedi more than I can spend would be even better.
6. I sometimes think I might actually be crazy. And when that’s not worrying me, I like it.
7. I have a few aliases that I use in various situations e.g. Anthony Vassa. I won’t name them all, for obvious reasons –not all of them legal but I haven’t used Anthony Vassa for a few years so I can release that.
8. I hate any movie with too many references to the supernatural i.e. Horror movies and Nollywood village withcraft ones. Maybe I'm scared of ghosts. Maybe I don’t wanna let Satan and his crews into my circumstances.
9. I like driving in London. If it wasn’t for petrol prices and lack of parking, I’d do a lot more of it. Nipping in and zipping out and dashing around un-American narrow roadways. I feel like prey and the police and London transport bus lane cameras are the predators.
10. I don’t like driving in Accra. The drivers are crazy and the pedestrians are crazier. They jay-stroll not jay-walk. At night, the roads are not lit but the road users are! (If you’re not American –you might not get that last sentence). everybody’s got nowhere to go but need to get there NOW!
11. I think America is over-rated.
12. I'm a 6’3 Black man but don’t this doesn’t stop old white ladies telling me their life stories. I don’t know if this means I have an honest face or if that’s what gets them mugged(not by me).
13. Most 1990s+ R&B bores me and/or gets on my nerves.
14. My favourite superhero is the ‘Incredible Hulk’
15. I like being a fan of something niche and it only annoys me a little when others jump on de bandwagon e.g.50Cent (pre ‘In Da Club’) The Wire (circa 2002-2007) The Sopranos (for the first season). I try not to be one of those annoying “I liked that before it was popular” people but sometimes I do. Apologies.
16. I love reading about ’Medieval African History’. If anyone who has my no# get’s a question on that whilst on ‘Who Wants To Be A millionaire’ I'm the friend they should phone.
17. I have severe difficulty saying ‘no’ to beautiful Black women. This is good and bad because I'll invariably be married to one soon and my problem could lead to talk of being whipped and a lack of a prenuptial agreement. I know beauty is only skin deep but I can say no to ugly women. And I do so. Alot.
18. I generally assume I'm de best dressed man within a 3 square mile radius.
19. I LOVE Black people but I hate nigg*rs.
20. I often wonder about the people that took the name ‘Jehovah’ out of the bible and what other editing they did while they were at it.
21. I believe Jews are the funniest people after Black people. Big up Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, The Marx Brothers, Jackie Mason, Mel Brooks, and that dude that play Ari Gold in 'Entourage'!
22. I have a big memory for quotations of popular figures in contemporary Black culture and history. I quote rappers and comedians like Frasier Crane quotes philosophers and historians.
23. I don’t snitch. Crime is not a life pursuit I’ve pursued but I understand that for some, it’s the most apposite means of making money they can find. I could make a list of crimes I condone, understand, hate, detest but uhm…that’s the stuff of future blogs I s’pose. Suffice it to say if you’re the kind of criminal I grew up alongside in my relatively trouble free East London life: If the police come asking me about you…I won’t know which way you went.
24. I don’t suffer fools. I understand it’s the fashion to pretend you get on with everybody and make nice –Los Angeles style, but I can’t do it. If you do and/or say something REALLY painfully, inexcusably ignorant and stupid around me – I won’t like you. You might not know it but you might notice I won’t be around when you’re around. Ever.
25. I’m a writer. Just in case you didn’t know. I don’t know who my target audience is. I do know that I’m Black, my characters are mostly Black so it follows that my readers will mostly be Black. From about age 10 I loved writing projects at school but didn’t realise it’s something I’d want to do with my life until about age 23.