'Name your target after the arrow has landed'. I found this proverb two to three years ago and it became one of my top.5 favourite proverbs
5. When a crazy person steals your clothes as you bathe you don't give chase.
4. When the lion is asleep the monkey thinks he is king
3. The Lion doesn't turn around around when the dog barks
2. When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length
1. Name your target after the arrow has landed
Here's another saying from my boy, hiplifer Tinny: 'Just because our hair's picky doesn't mean we need combs'. Tinny spits alot of proverbs in his rhymes but I'm not sure if that quote is one, but I like it anyway.
But I digress. Back to the headliner: 'Name your target after the arrow has landed'. This is not the typical wise head on shoulder type proverb. That's why I like it. I can’t recall where I found this proverb. Trying to google it right now it didn’t come up which was interesting but not unexpected.
On first look to name your target after the arrow has landed can suggest aimlessness. I however choose to interpret one of a few ways. Debating the saying 'Name your target after the arrow has landed.'
> Flexibility. Identify a set of targets –(if you’re hungry as in the traditional sense a herd of deer or whatever ) and aim towards them all and be satisfied with the one you hit. This could apply to one of many goals OR one goal to be achieved by one of many means. Whichever one of those targets i HIT is fine with me and the salient point is the arrow has left my grasp. it's in the air and shall thus come down and hit one of them. this is inevitable
> Leadership/Initiative. Note that the proverb is "Name" your target after the arrow has landed. That means you mightcould know it but just ddt "call it" (as they say in Snooker Pool). You hit the target you meant to hit maybe not telling everybody what you were going for in advance. But once “the arrow has landed” you can “name” your target and/or reasons at that point.
> Sheer Style. Have no clue and you aim your arrow hit whatever you hit –be it a tree or some prey and play it off like that was your intention.
These are the types of the proverbs you'll see on my statuses, blogs and in forthcoming books. They will be the funny clever/unusual proverbs that mightcould mean something different to every reader.
Sunday 31 January 2010
Friday 29 January 2010
10 Reasons why Columbo should have been Black
1. Nobody ever respects him as a figure of authority at first.
2. He’s obviously discriminated against. In over twenty years of working with a 100% success rate he was never promoted beyond Lieutenant.
3.Always late. Columbo only ever turns up 15, 20, 25 minutes into his own show. Late to his own party. Only a brotha.
4.Doesn’t harass his own. He’s an L.A cop but we never as much as see an inner-city Black youth. In fact he only ever takes down the rich and/or famous and /or powerful White people we know get away with that sh*t in real life.
5. Over-cool. We never see him handcuff anyone, pat anyone down, engage in a high speed chase or shoot someone or even shoot at someone.
6. He is cross-eyed but nobody ever asks him how good a lawman he could be with this condition. Interesting enough, in addition everybody he meets seems to know which of his eyes in the working one, thus avoiding that perennial awkwardness we all face over this difficult issue.
7. Keeps it gangsta. ‘Colombo’ is the family name of one of the famous five New York mafia families along with Gambino, Lucchese, Bonanno and Profaci.
8. Style. He never goes all poilceman with bad words and unseemly interrogations. The guilty person knows they're guilty and Columbo know’s they're guilty. Columbo knows he’ll get them in the end so why get all aggressive like other better dressed yet more tense TV cops? Colombo prefers to let them introduce them to their expensive friends, give him expensive cigars to smoke, expensive food to eat in the meantime...until such time ny the end when it would be rude for him not to arrest them.
9. His dress sense is considered shabby by society at large. (This also disqualifies him for the same reasons since this grimey look is not for fashion reasons. Plus, no man could go twenty years without changing his mac. Mac? Mack? Get it?...Just laugh now and figure it out later.)
10. The smart wife. She can’t OR won’t iron his clothes...OR she’s so canny she keeps it so that Colombo won’t stray during any of his ‘investigations’ by keeping him looking like a hobo.
While I'm at it...Ten Quick Reasons why Dr.Richard Kimble (AKA The Fugitive) should have been Black:
1) He was successful and thus married to a white woman
2) He was falsely accused of murdering the white woman
3) He was framed (see 2)
4) He was harassed over the a crime he didn’t commit.
5) He was pursued over the a crime he didn’t commit.
6) He was arrested over the a crime he didn’t commit.
7) He was received a life-sentence over the a crime he didn’t commit.
8) He escaped to freedom.
9) He was pursued AGAIN over the same crime he didn’t commit.
10) ...Wait? You really need a tenth?!
2. He’s obviously discriminated against. In over twenty years of working with a 100% success rate he was never promoted beyond Lieutenant.
3.Always late. Columbo only ever turns up 15, 20, 25 minutes into his own show. Late to his own party. Only a brotha.
4.Doesn’t harass his own. He’s an L.A cop but we never as much as see an inner-city Black youth. In fact he only ever takes down the rich and/or famous and /or powerful White people we know get away with that sh*t in real life.
5. Over-cool. We never see him handcuff anyone, pat anyone down, engage in a high speed chase or shoot someone or even shoot at someone.
6. He is cross-eyed but nobody ever asks him how good a lawman he could be with this condition. Interesting enough, in addition everybody he meets seems to know which of his eyes in the working one, thus avoiding that perennial awkwardness we all face over this difficult issue.
7. Keeps it gangsta. ‘Colombo’ is the family name of one of the famous five New York mafia families along with Gambino, Lucchese, Bonanno and Profaci.
8. Style. He never goes all poilceman with bad words and unseemly interrogations. The guilty person knows they're guilty and Columbo know’s they're guilty. Columbo knows he’ll get them in the end so why get all aggressive like other better dressed yet more tense TV cops? Colombo prefers to let them introduce them to their expensive friends, give him expensive cigars to smoke, expensive food to eat in the meantime...until such time ny the end when it would be rude for him not to arrest them.
9. His dress sense is considered shabby by society at large. (This also disqualifies him for the same reasons since this grimey look is not for fashion reasons. Plus, no man could go twenty years without changing his mac. Mac? Mack? Get it?...Just laugh now and figure it out later.)
10. The smart wife. She can’t OR won’t iron his clothes...OR she’s so canny she keeps it so that Colombo won’t stray during any of his ‘investigations’ by keeping him looking like a hobo.
While I'm at it...Ten Quick Reasons why Dr.Richard Kimble (AKA The Fugitive) should have been Black:
1) He was successful and thus married to a white woman
2) He was falsely accused of murdering the white woman
3) He was framed (see 2)
4) He was harassed over the a crime he didn’t commit.
5) He was pursued over the a crime he didn’t commit.
6) He was arrested over the a crime he didn’t commit.
7) He was received a life-sentence over the a crime he didn’t commit.
8) He escaped to freedom.
9) He was pursued AGAIN over the same crime he didn’t commit.
10) ...Wait? You really need a tenth?!
Tuesday 26 January 2010
Will Black people ever be on time?
WILL we ever be on time?
YES –by Gbontwi Anyetei
But of course! Anything white people can do Black people can do better! Black People's Time, Coloured People's Time, G.M.T (Ghana Maybe Time)African Time...These are myths! Conspiracies even! Maybe. Some Black people already ARE on time, right? I’ve seen it. So have you, right?
In fact, it is because somebody arrived on time that you can tell that the people coming in just now are late. INDEED it is because that they know others will be on time and envy them that many latecomers are so. They hope people will watch them and ask enviously "OH…I wish my clocks were broken so". "I wish our car was limited to the slow cruising speed that delivered you here hours after my sadly efficient car got me here with plenty of parking spaces to choose from".
NO –by Gbontwi Anyetei
I think not. The timely individuals my learned friend above talks of are just that. Individuals! Might makes right and the might of the latecomers shall always be mightier! Without them ‘the party’ really can’t get started properly. It is because of the OTHER late people that those who might have been on time will ensure they're also late TOO! It is the latecomers that the early ones keep looking to the door for. The women won’t settle for invitations from those on time because there might be better choices coming along especially if those men are late because they’re making money. Vice versaly, the men won’t settle for the on-time women because the women still on their way might be late because their bums are bigger and they have experienced problems with transportation as a result.
I was born in Africa (West Africa where the BLACK-Black people are and not in the North where the confused Africans are) in 1982 to Black parents and surrounded by Black people. Four years later I moved to Hackney, East London. More Black people. None of the people I know in life are ever on time for everything. My grandmother is late for everything except church, my father will be late for everything except serious business opportunities, and my mum is just late for everything.
All my friends are interesting or cool and fun to be around. None of my friends are ever on time. All the people I have met in life that are regularly on time…haven’t been Black. Neither are they interesting, cool or fun to be around. So is that what it is? Does being interesting, cool and fun to be around mean you literally cannot be on time?! I think it might.
The English (When I say English I mean one of the countries white people from) are an on time. While they controlled most of Africa, Africans took on most of their habits and customs: Christianity, monogamy, depression. Even now, hospitality, tribes, loyalty are not what they were in Africa or amongst the diaspora. But ‘lateness’ remains with us! It is the last bastion of Africanness.
So, we're late. We can't change it even if we wanted to -which we don't. Many a comedian would be without material if Black people started arriving to things on time. This blog you're reading wouldn't exist if Black people arrived to things on time.
Let us then embrace it. When Ancient Rome realised they couldn't beat Christianity they embraced it. They took it over and made it theirs and almost completely unrecognisable from what Jesus left behind. Let us do the same. Let us be late in new and fascninating and suprising ways! We can have reasons that are as inventive as they are unreasonable or we can offer no excuse! To even apologise for being late would be to suggest you ever intended to be on time. To apologise would be an insult to the intelligence of the receiver. To offer an 'explanation' would be a waste of a perfectly good lie you can use for something else later (Get it? 'Later?').
I was once kept waiting by a date who apologised for being 3 1/2 hours late. I pointed out she was only 2 1/2 hours late. (A daylight saving time snaffu). She was actually dissapointed with herself. This is the kind of dedication to the cause I exhort all others to. Let us be SO unpredictable in how late we will be that it would take a book-long mathematical equation to equate our time of arrival. Just like that, every so often we'll accidentally get to business meetings (that we weren't expected to until the next day) not all as late as all that. At that point we can split the monies between us and leave before the white people arrive!
The sun shines differently in Africa so the clocks to which we move will always be out of sync!
YES –by Gbontwi Anyetei
But of course! Anything white people can do Black people can do better! Black People's Time, Coloured People's Time, G.M.T (Ghana Maybe Time)African Time...These are myths! Conspiracies even! Maybe. Some Black people already ARE on time, right? I’ve seen it. So have you, right?
In fact, it is because somebody arrived on time that you can tell that the people coming in just now are late. INDEED it is because that they know others will be on time and envy them that many latecomers are so. They hope people will watch them and ask enviously "OH…I wish my clocks were broken so". "I wish our car was limited to the slow cruising speed that delivered you here hours after my sadly efficient car got me here with plenty of parking spaces to choose from".
NO –by Gbontwi Anyetei
I think not. The timely individuals my learned friend above talks of are just that. Individuals! Might makes right and the might of the latecomers shall always be mightier! Without them ‘the party’ really can’t get started properly. It is because of the OTHER late people that those who might have been on time will ensure they're also late TOO! It is the latecomers that the early ones keep looking to the door for. The women won’t settle for invitations from those on time because there might be better choices coming along especially if those men are late because they’re making money. Vice versaly, the men won’t settle for the on-time women because the women still on their way might be late because their bums are bigger and they have experienced problems with transportation as a result.
I was born in Africa (West Africa where the BLACK-Black people are and not in the North where the confused Africans are) in 1982 to Black parents and surrounded by Black people. Four years later I moved to Hackney, East London. More Black people. None of the people I know in life are ever on time for everything. My grandmother is late for everything except church, my father will be late for everything except serious business opportunities, and my mum is just late for everything.
All my friends are interesting or cool and fun to be around. None of my friends are ever on time. All the people I have met in life that are regularly on time…haven’t been Black. Neither are they interesting, cool or fun to be around. So is that what it is? Does being interesting, cool and fun to be around mean you literally cannot be on time?! I think it might.
The English (When I say English I mean one of the countries white people from) are an on time. While they controlled most of Africa, Africans took on most of their habits and customs: Christianity, monogamy, depression. Even now, hospitality, tribes, loyalty are not what they were in Africa or amongst the diaspora. But ‘lateness’ remains with us! It is the last bastion of Africanness.
So, we're late. We can't change it even if we wanted to -which we don't. Many a comedian would be without material if Black people started arriving to things on time. This blog you're reading wouldn't exist if Black people arrived to things on time.
Let us then embrace it. When Ancient Rome realised they couldn't beat Christianity they embraced it. They took it over and made it theirs and almost completely unrecognisable from what Jesus left behind. Let us do the same. Let us be late in new and fascninating and suprising ways! We can have reasons that are as inventive as they are unreasonable or we can offer no excuse! To even apologise for being late would be to suggest you ever intended to be on time. To apologise would be an insult to the intelligence of the receiver. To offer an 'explanation' would be a waste of a perfectly good lie you can use for something else later (Get it? 'Later?').
I was once kept waiting by a date who apologised for being 3 1/2 hours late. I pointed out she was only 2 1/2 hours late. (A daylight saving time snaffu). She was actually dissapointed with herself. This is the kind of dedication to the cause I exhort all others to. Let us be SO unpredictable in how late we will be that it would take a book-long mathematical equation to equate our time of arrival. Just like that, every so often we'll accidentally get to business meetings (that we weren't expected to until the next day) not all as late as all that. At that point we can split the monies between us and leave before the white people arrive!
The sun shines differently in Africa so the clocks to which we move will always be out of sync!
Should we make 'Urban' the new 'N' word?
The case for and against ‘urban’
A lot gets made of whether White people should get to say the N word. I say we hold off on that debate until we sort out this ‘urban’ word because for some intents and purposes urban could become the new ‘N’ word. Some of you won’t know what I’m talking about. Particularly if you’re a architecture, town planning student the wood urban won’t mean at all what I’m about to talk about. Madonna makes a music video wearing a kimono and waving chopsticks around it’s Chinese themed. It’s fair enough. Justin Timberlake sings R&B, dances like MJ and wears his hair in corn-rows. He’s ‘urban’. I hadn’t noticed this urban phenomenon until The New Nation newspaper (may it in rest in peace) started censoring the word. Like this: ‘urb*n’.
Let me get something real clear real quick. I use the word for urban. Sorry everybody. AND I use it without the asterisk. Oh yes, and I say 'grime' when I’m talking about Kano, Wiley and them. Grime music comes from streets beset by urban decay and poverty induced situations. Some say it should be called Black music because that’s what it is. BUT, black music is also:
Jazz, acid Jazz, Blues, Soul, neo-Soul, Funk, Funky House, Bossa Nova, Samba, Hip-Hop, Rock&Roll, Barbershop, Bluegrass, Cajun, Zydeco, Country (yeah I said it!), Disco, garage, jungle, Doo Wop, Gospel, Reggae, Rocksteady, bebop, Latin, Ska, R&B, Swing, Nobody accapellas like we either. Even punk, heavy metal, and most good Pop.
So if the media was to use the word Black music –there’d be all kinds of confusion all over the map. You get me? Urban (or urb*n) makes sense because they can't call grime, rap or funky house Black music because ALLLLLL music is Black. Okey, not ALL. The Swedish have yodelling. That’s all them I believe.
So when I say urban I mean the music young Blacks are making right now that is p!ssing society off and that White boys will start making in a couple of years. So if YOU reader are media and you’re using the word the same way then you and I get no problem. But if you are part of THEY saying urban because they're afraid to say Black or African in case they (the same same they as earlier I this sentence) mess around and let Black people feel good about ourselves...THAT I don't like!
That’s all I’ve got to say about that. These blogs won’t always be long. What do you want? I’m not getting paid for this. If you wanted me to kill some more of your time why not youtube some of those music types above. You might find something you like better than the likes Lil’Wayne, Soulja Boy or whoever blows next out of ‘I’m a Big X Factor, Get Me Out of Here!’
A lot gets made of whether White people should get to say the N word. I say we hold off on that debate until we sort out this ‘urban’ word because for some intents and purposes urban could become the new ‘N’ word. Some of you won’t know what I’m talking about. Particularly if you’re a architecture, town planning student the wood urban won’t mean at all what I’m about to talk about. Madonna makes a music video wearing a kimono and waving chopsticks around it’s Chinese themed. It’s fair enough. Justin Timberlake sings R&B, dances like MJ and wears his hair in corn-rows. He’s ‘urban’. I hadn’t noticed this urban phenomenon until The New Nation newspaper (may it in rest in peace) started censoring the word. Like this: ‘urb*n’.
Let me get something real clear real quick. I use the word for urban. Sorry everybody. AND I use it without the asterisk. Oh yes, and I say 'grime' when I’m talking about Kano, Wiley and them. Grime music comes from streets beset by urban decay and poverty induced situations. Some say it should be called Black music because that’s what it is. BUT, black music is also:
Jazz, acid Jazz, Blues, Soul, neo-Soul, Funk, Funky House, Bossa Nova, Samba, Hip-Hop, Rock&Roll, Barbershop, Bluegrass, Cajun, Zydeco, Country (yeah I said it!), Disco, garage, jungle, Doo Wop, Gospel, Reggae, Rocksteady, bebop, Latin, Ska, R&B, Swing, Nobody accapellas like we either. Even punk, heavy metal, and most good Pop.
So if the media was to use the word Black music –there’d be all kinds of confusion all over the map. You get me? Urban (or urb*n) makes sense because they can't call grime, rap or funky house Black music because ALLLLLL music is Black. Okey, not ALL. The Swedish have yodelling. That’s all them I believe.
So when I say urban I mean the music young Blacks are making right now that is p!ssing society off and that White boys will start making in a couple of years. So if YOU reader are media and you’re using the word the same way then you and I get no problem. But if you are part of THEY saying urban because they're afraid to say Black or African in case they (the same same they as earlier I this sentence) mess around and let Black people feel good about ourselves...THAT I don't like!
That’s all I’ve got to say about that. These blogs won’t always be long. What do you want? I’m not getting paid for this. If you wanted me to kill some more of your time why not youtube some of those music types above. You might find something you like better than the likes Lil’Wayne, Soulja Boy or whoever blows next out of ‘I’m a Big X Factor, Get Me Out of Here!’
Saturday 23 January 2010
“I love Black People but I HATE Nigg*rs…the Nigg*rs have GOT TO GO!”
Is Chris Rock a prophet? Like…an actual sent from God prophet. Now, wait a minute! I say “prophet” you’re thinking of the kind who predict the future. NO no no no no. I’m talking about the other kind. Throughout the bible and maybe the Koran (I’ve been meaning to start reading the Koran but the only time I get to read is on public transport...and being a 6’3 Black man-I have enough problems.) are prophets whose job it was to interpret explain to people the meaning of what was going on around them. Example: An Israelite (That’s ‘Israelite’ not ‘Israeli’- different thing entirely) loses his son in death to a war they should be winning and his harvest don’t come out right. He just thinks he’s having a bad year. No, the prophet would tell him –'Our king is f#cking up so God is coming'. Or words to that effect, in Hebrew.
The only comedian that compares to Chris Rock's potency is Richard Pryor and Richard Pryor was comedianing when the Black revolution was lurching through it’s life span until the FBI finally put it to sword. In the 70s it really was all about the White ‘man’ and how he was limiting our options at every turn. Now, no enemy can turn fast enough and we are often our own worst enemy. Chris Rock has routines like ‘Black People Versus Nigg*rs’ and ‘The only thing I hate more than racism is Black people that are surprised at the racism’, Chris Rock is telling us it’s time to stop making excuses. There is nothing stopping us from doing what needs done to get where we want to be. We need to get knowledge and try to succeed not because racism is dead (Far from it see –Nick Griffin) but because at this stage, we can only be stopped if we let the detractors stop us.
Chris Rock said that while Black people accuse the media of being depicted negatively, it’s not a newsreader Chris Rock is looking for when he’s at ATM at night. Now, Black people have access to knowledge and information on our history like we haven’t had since Islam first destabilized the old great empires of Northern Africa. Yes, the mainstream culture may remain bling, cars and hoes but a library or independent music outlet near you can help.
So we return to the question that forms basis of our discourse. Is Chris Rock a prophet? Alright, he probably isn’t (if you thought so, you should seek Jesus) but he’s serving a similar purpose AND making us laugh so I thank God for him.
'Bigger and Blacker', 'Bring The Pain', 'Never Scared' and 'Kill The Messenger' are available at an online or a pirate streetlevel retailer near you.
'Richard Pryor –Live & Smokin’', 'Live in Concert', 'Live on The Sunset Strip' are available online and HMVs and the like.
The only comedian that compares to Chris Rock's potency is Richard Pryor and Richard Pryor was comedianing when the Black revolution was lurching through it’s life span until the FBI finally put it to sword. In the 70s it really was all about the White ‘man’ and how he was limiting our options at every turn. Now, no enemy can turn fast enough and we are often our own worst enemy. Chris Rock has routines like ‘Black People Versus Nigg*rs’ and ‘The only thing I hate more than racism is Black people that are surprised at the racism’, Chris Rock is telling us it’s time to stop making excuses. There is nothing stopping us from doing what needs done to get where we want to be. We need to get knowledge and try to succeed not because racism is dead (Far from it see –Nick Griffin) but because at this stage, we can only be stopped if we let the detractors stop us.
Chris Rock said that while Black people accuse the media of being depicted negatively, it’s not a newsreader Chris Rock is looking for when he’s at ATM at night. Now, Black people have access to knowledge and information on our history like we haven’t had since Islam first destabilized the old great empires of Northern Africa. Yes, the mainstream culture may remain bling, cars and hoes but a library or independent music outlet near you can help.
So we return to the question that forms basis of our discourse. Is Chris Rock a prophet? Alright, he probably isn’t (if you thought so, you should seek Jesus) but he’s serving a similar purpose AND making us laugh so I thank God for him.
'Bigger and Blacker', 'Bring The Pain', 'Never Scared' and 'Kill The Messenger' are available at an online or a pirate streetlevel retailer near you.
'Richard Pryor –Live & Smokin’', 'Live in Concert', 'Live on The Sunset Strip' are available online and HMVs and the like.
25 Things You Don't Need to Know About the Writer
1. I love Hackney, East London. Seriously. Love the place. I know this wouldn’t be the case if I wasn’t raised there, but I was –so I do. When I'm tired of Hackney I'll be tired of the West
2. I love Ghana. Even more than Hackney. Make no mistake, everybody’s trying to hustle you, there are very few pavements, some tell me I don’t belong there because I was raised abroad (see number#1) but I still love it. If God insists that I die, then it should be there I'd want to go.
3. I have an unhealthy love of Star Trek-The Next Generation (the one with the bald White captain) and Star Trek-DS9 (the one with the bald Black captain). I'm definitely not a nerd but have seen every episode way more than once.
4. I think Jack Nicholson is the coolest white man that’s ever lived.
5. I don’t particularly want to be a millionaire. I just need a Pound more than I can spend. A Cedi more than I can spend would be even better.
6. I sometimes think I might actually be crazy. And when that’s not worrying me, I like it.
7. I have a few aliases that I use in various situations e.g. Anthony Vassa. I won’t name them all, for obvious reasons –not all of them legal but I haven’t used Anthony Vassa for a few years so I can release that.
8. I hate any movie with too many references to the supernatural i.e. Horror movies and Nollywood village withcraft ones. Maybe I'm scared of ghosts. Maybe I don’t wanna let Satan and his crews into my circumstances.
9. I like driving in London. If it wasn’t for petrol prices and lack of parking, I’d do a lot more of it. Nipping in and zipping out and dashing around un-American narrow roadways. I feel like prey and the police and London transport bus lane cameras are the predators.
10. I don’t like driving in Accra. The drivers are crazy and the pedestrians are crazier. They jay-stroll not jay-walk. At night, the roads are not lit but the road users are! (If you’re not American –you might not get that last sentence). everybody’s got nowhere to go but need to get there NOW!
11. I think America is over-rated.
12. I'm a 6’3 Black man but don’t this doesn’t stop old white ladies telling me their life stories. I don’t know if this means I have an honest face or if that’s what gets them mugged(not by me).
13. Most 1990s+ R&B bores me and/or gets on my nerves.
14. My favourite superhero is the ‘Incredible Hulk’
15. I like being a fan of something niche and it only annoys me a little when others jump on de bandwagon e.g.50Cent (pre ‘In Da Club’) The Wire (circa 2002-2007) The Sopranos (for the first season). I try not to be one of those annoying “I liked that before it was popular” people but sometimes I do. Apologies.
16. I love reading about ’Medieval African History’. If anyone who has my no# get’s a question on that whilst on ‘Who Wants To Be A millionaire’ I'm the friend they should phone.
17. I have severe difficulty saying ‘no’ to beautiful Black women. This is good and bad because I'll invariably be married to one soon and my problem could lead to talk of being whipped and a lack of a prenuptial agreement. I know beauty is only skin deep but I can say no to ugly women. And I do so. Alot.
18. I generally assume I'm de best dressed man within a 3 square mile radius.
19. I LOVE Black people but I hate nigg*rs.
20. I often wonder about the people that took the name ‘Jehovah’ out of the bible and what other editing they did while they were at it.
21. I believe Jews are the funniest people after Black people. Big up Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, The Marx Brothers, Jackie Mason, Mel Brooks, and that dude that play Ari Gold in 'Entourage'!
22. I have a big memory for quotations of popular figures in contemporary Black culture and history. I quote rappers and comedians like Frasier Crane quotes philosophers and historians.
23. I don’t snitch. Crime is not a life pursuit I’ve pursued but I understand that for some, it’s the most apposite means of making money they can find. I could make a list of crimes I condone, understand, hate, detest but uhm…that’s the stuff of future blogs I s’pose. Suffice it to say if you’re the kind of criminal I grew up alongside in my relatively trouble free East London life: If the police come asking me about you…I won’t know which way you went.
24. I don’t suffer fools. I understand it’s the fashion to pretend you get on with everybody and make nice –Los Angeles style, but I can’t do it. If you do and/or say something REALLY painfully, inexcusably ignorant and stupid around me – I won’t like you. You might not know it but you might notice I won’t be around when you’re around. Ever.
25. I’m a writer. Just in case you didn’t know. I don’t know who my target audience is. I do know that I’m Black, my characters are mostly Black so it follows that my readers will mostly be Black. From about age 10 I loved writing projects at school but didn’t realise it’s something I’d want to do with my life until about age 23.
2. I love Ghana. Even more than Hackney. Make no mistake, everybody’s trying to hustle you, there are very few pavements, some tell me I don’t belong there because I was raised abroad (see number#1) but I still love it. If God insists that I die, then it should be there I'd want to go.
3. I have an unhealthy love of Star Trek-The Next Generation (the one with the bald White captain) and Star Trek-DS9 (the one with the bald Black captain). I'm definitely not a nerd but have seen every episode way more than once.
4. I think Jack Nicholson is the coolest white man that’s ever lived.
5. I don’t particularly want to be a millionaire. I just need a Pound more than I can spend. A Cedi more than I can spend would be even better.
6. I sometimes think I might actually be crazy. And when that’s not worrying me, I like it.
7. I have a few aliases that I use in various situations e.g. Anthony Vassa. I won’t name them all, for obvious reasons –not all of them legal but I haven’t used Anthony Vassa for a few years so I can release that.
8. I hate any movie with too many references to the supernatural i.e. Horror movies and Nollywood village withcraft ones. Maybe I'm scared of ghosts. Maybe I don’t wanna let Satan and his crews into my circumstances.
9. I like driving in London. If it wasn’t for petrol prices and lack of parking, I’d do a lot more of it. Nipping in and zipping out and dashing around un-American narrow roadways. I feel like prey and the police and London transport bus lane cameras are the predators.
10. I don’t like driving in Accra. The drivers are crazy and the pedestrians are crazier. They jay-stroll not jay-walk. At night, the roads are not lit but the road users are! (If you’re not American –you might not get that last sentence). everybody’s got nowhere to go but need to get there NOW!
11. I think America is over-rated.
12. I'm a 6’3 Black man but don’t this doesn’t stop old white ladies telling me their life stories. I don’t know if this means I have an honest face or if that’s what gets them mugged(not by me).
13. Most 1990s+ R&B bores me and/or gets on my nerves.
14. My favourite superhero is the ‘Incredible Hulk’
15. I like being a fan of something niche and it only annoys me a little when others jump on de bandwagon e.g.50Cent (pre ‘In Da Club’) The Wire (circa 2002-2007) The Sopranos (for the first season). I try not to be one of those annoying “I liked that before it was popular” people but sometimes I do. Apologies.
16. I love reading about ’Medieval African History’. If anyone who has my no# get’s a question on that whilst on ‘Who Wants To Be A millionaire’ I'm the friend they should phone.
17. I have severe difficulty saying ‘no’ to beautiful Black women. This is good and bad because I'll invariably be married to one soon and my problem could lead to talk of being whipped and a lack of a prenuptial agreement. I know beauty is only skin deep but I can say no to ugly women. And I do so. Alot.
18. I generally assume I'm de best dressed man within a 3 square mile radius.
19. I LOVE Black people but I hate nigg*rs.
20. I often wonder about the people that took the name ‘Jehovah’ out of the bible and what other editing they did while they were at it.
21. I believe Jews are the funniest people after Black people. Big up Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, The Marx Brothers, Jackie Mason, Mel Brooks, and that dude that play Ari Gold in 'Entourage'!
22. I have a big memory for quotations of popular figures in contemporary Black culture and history. I quote rappers and comedians like Frasier Crane quotes philosophers and historians.
23. I don’t snitch. Crime is not a life pursuit I’ve pursued but I understand that for some, it’s the most apposite means of making money they can find. I could make a list of crimes I condone, understand, hate, detest but uhm…that’s the stuff of future blogs I s’pose. Suffice it to say if you’re the kind of criminal I grew up alongside in my relatively trouble free East London life: If the police come asking me about you…I won’t know which way you went.
24. I don’t suffer fools. I understand it’s the fashion to pretend you get on with everybody and make nice –Los Angeles style, but I can’t do it. If you do and/or say something REALLY painfully, inexcusably ignorant and stupid around me – I won’t like you. You might not know it but you might notice I won’t be around when you’re around. Ever.
25. I’m a writer. Just in case you didn’t know. I don’t know who my target audience is. I do know that I’m Black, my characters are mostly Black so it follows that my readers will mostly be Black. From about age 10 I loved writing projects at school but didn’t realise it’s something I’d want to do with my life until about age 23.
The thing about Light skinned women
I’m putting my hands up to it. It’s official: light skinned women are officially in fashion. For some years I’ve denied it. “Yes most music video girls are kind of Spanishey coloured, straight-haired, blue eyed (but with undeniably African lips and hips) but we’ve still got Naomi Campbell!”. I’m not sure when it started. Somewhere after Blaxploitation movies and Grace Jones and Whitney Houston came the massive airbrushing. I’m just blogging, not politicking. All I know is women talk about this, ALOT. Furthermore of all the things they debate this is always the most interesting. What I do know is I am as big a fan of Serena Williams as I am of Jade Johnson. I’d cut myself in two for Kelly Rowland and Alicia Keys. Gabrielle Union versus Meagan Good? Stop it! By a highly scientific and empirical method (not really) I’ve identified the three most quoted reasons for this and discuss them below. Then I offered a fourth and my personal favourite reason. Since this fourth is my thinking and therefore one you haven’t heard before feel free to skip the first 3 if you have somewhere to be.
Possible Reason number 1: The Slavery thing
The light skinned as we call them were first produced as the daughters of Slave masters, in America and the West Indies and the children on colonial overlords in Africa. These mixed race offspring as a rule had an easier life than the fully Black counterparts. Sometimes, their father/owner got them a near standard education. Even if they didn’t they certainly weren’t assigned the worse jobs. This meant that for a slave or colonially indentured servant to get married to a son/daughter of a White man…they would be only easy street! So is that the thing with light-skinned women. A cultural throwback to when a mixed race woman was a status symbol and meant access to a better way of life than a Black man or woman?
Possible Reason number 2: It’s The Media!
The mass media (read Rupert Murdoch and other shady White men) are elevating light-skinned mostly White women over Black-Black women in an attempt to make those of us without the blessing of Caucasian genes in our pool feel inferior. But can this be working? White people also want Black people to be on time, stop complaining and stop playing our music loud and we don’t listen to them! Why should we be listening to them on this?! The ‘mass media versus us’ is the stuff that makes up the content of underground docu DVDs sold by men with dreadlocks and knowing looks at your local market. White owned BET, MTV etc shove an ever fading Beyoncé in our faces at every opportunity. Beyoncé has a successful career, a billionaire husband. “It’s because she’s light skinned –that’s WHY!” Is that how it’s supposed to work? Then misguided women aspire to be like Beyoncé in ways that go beyond the healthy appreciation of her music and her amazing backside. The not so misguided women then follow suite after the first lot have created a fashion. This in turn contributes to:
Possible Reason number 3: Self loathing.
Black people see only the negatives in our respective communities (in the Americas, Europe and Africa) and see what order exists in well developed white communities and …cue skin bleaching, weaves. If you bleach your skin are you actually secretly aspiring to be want to be White? Let me know.
We do have the same right to neuroses as everybody else. I know dark chocolate coloured, Kenyan Black, Alek Wek coloured black women. Fine too! They can’t trip over without a dozen mans jumping to the ground first to break their fall. God is an artist and a democrat. He has created the buff and the butters, the fit and the fu-ugly in all colours and shades. I find skin bleaching isn't a dark–skinned problem. It's an ugly one. I've not known a dark-skinned woman -beautiful in the first place to go for that. It’s unhealthy and it never looks right. Women with lighter skin than they should have, veins all over the place, face ‘yellow’ but knuckles as black as tar!
When all is said and done skin bleaching is just the Black woman's plastic surgery. I’m shallow. I like big things on women. Most sisters come with the fuller lips, hips and tits as standard that white women go under the knife for so they’ve found their own ‘problem’. Without a handy insecurity to focus on, a whole group of women might actually have to be happy with how they look. This of course can never happen. Women have to have something to hate about themselves and it’s not always men’s fault.
Possible Reason number 4: Light skinned women are our blondes!
Try not to lose me as I get scientific on you. Not for long though. I was reading about blondes somewhere. It might have been from wikipedia so don’t quote me or hold me to this. Mr Sociologist had an interesting reason why Blondes are so popular in the English speaking West. (This is about White blonde women, not Lil’Kim and them hood girls you know. They’re popular for a different reason.) Blonde women are native to Sweden and Finland and other colder than London places. When the Swedish started coming over to Britain in the middle ages they were calling themselves Vikings and kicking arse so it was a while before blonde women were readily available to the populace that would fill the British Isles and later America and Australia. Blonde women were considered exotic and must have accessories for the man about Londinium town. A thousand years later blondes are still the in thing…And sometimes more fun and less intelligent. I don’t know about all that –that’s debate for the White people to have.
My point is light skinned women didn’t readily exist 500 years ago. I like to think that light-skinned women are the new girls in town so they might be the in-thing for another minute on history’s clock.
Possible Reason number 1: The Slavery thing
The light skinned as we call them were first produced as the daughters of Slave masters, in America and the West Indies and the children on colonial overlords in Africa. These mixed race offspring as a rule had an easier life than the fully Black counterparts. Sometimes, their father/owner got them a near standard education. Even if they didn’t they certainly weren’t assigned the worse jobs. This meant that for a slave or colonially indentured servant to get married to a son/daughter of a White man…they would be only easy street! So is that the thing with light-skinned women. A cultural throwback to when a mixed race woman was a status symbol and meant access to a better way of life than a Black man or woman?
Possible Reason number 2: It’s The Media!
The mass media (read Rupert Murdoch and other shady White men) are elevating light-skinned mostly White women over Black-Black women in an attempt to make those of us without the blessing of Caucasian genes in our pool feel inferior. But can this be working? White people also want Black people to be on time, stop complaining and stop playing our music loud and we don’t listen to them! Why should we be listening to them on this?! The ‘mass media versus us’ is the stuff that makes up the content of underground docu DVDs sold by men with dreadlocks and knowing looks at your local market. White owned BET, MTV etc shove an ever fading Beyoncé in our faces at every opportunity. Beyoncé has a successful career, a billionaire husband. “It’s because she’s light skinned –that’s WHY!” Is that how it’s supposed to work? Then misguided women aspire to be like Beyoncé in ways that go beyond the healthy appreciation of her music and her amazing backside. The not so misguided women then follow suite after the first lot have created a fashion. This in turn contributes to:
Possible Reason number 3: Self loathing.
Black people see only the negatives in our respective communities (in the Americas, Europe and Africa) and see what order exists in well developed white communities and …cue skin bleaching, weaves. If you bleach your skin are you actually secretly aspiring to be want to be White? Let me know.
We do have the same right to neuroses as everybody else. I know dark chocolate coloured, Kenyan Black, Alek Wek coloured black women. Fine too! They can’t trip over without a dozen mans jumping to the ground first to break their fall. God is an artist and a democrat. He has created the buff and the butters, the fit and the fu-ugly in all colours and shades. I find skin bleaching isn't a dark–skinned problem. It's an ugly one. I've not known a dark-skinned woman -beautiful in the first place to go for that. It’s unhealthy and it never looks right. Women with lighter skin than they should have, veins all over the place, face ‘yellow’ but knuckles as black as tar!
When all is said and done skin bleaching is just the Black woman's plastic surgery. I’m shallow. I like big things on women. Most sisters come with the fuller lips, hips and tits as standard that white women go under the knife for so they’ve found their own ‘problem’. Without a handy insecurity to focus on, a whole group of women might actually have to be happy with how they look. This of course can never happen. Women have to have something to hate about themselves and it’s not always men’s fault.
Possible Reason number 4: Light skinned women are our blondes!
Try not to lose me as I get scientific on you. Not for long though. I was reading about blondes somewhere. It might have been from wikipedia so don’t quote me or hold me to this. Mr Sociologist had an interesting reason why Blondes are so popular in the English speaking West. (This is about White blonde women, not Lil’Kim and them hood girls you know. They’re popular for a different reason.) Blonde women are native to Sweden and Finland and other colder than London places. When the Swedish started coming over to Britain in the middle ages they were calling themselves Vikings and kicking arse so it was a while before blonde women were readily available to the populace that would fill the British Isles and later America and Australia. Blonde women were considered exotic and must have accessories for the man about Londinium town. A thousand years later blondes are still the in thing…And sometimes more fun and less intelligent. I don’t know about all that –that’s debate for the White people to have.
My point is light skinned women didn’t readily exist 500 years ago. I like to think that light-skinned women are the new girls in town so they might be the in-thing for another minute on history’s clock.
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