10 Reasons why Columbo should have been Black

1. Nobody ever respects him as a figure of authority at first.

2. He’s obviously discriminated against. In over twenty years of working with a 100% success rate he was never promoted beyond Lieutenant.

3.Always late. Columbo only ever turns up 15, 20, 25 minutes into his own show. Late to his own party. Only a brotha.

4.Doesn’t harass his own. He’s an L.A cop but we never as much as see an inner-city Black youth. In fact he only ever takes down the rich and/or famous and /or powerful White people we know get away with that sh*t in real life.

5. Over-cool. We never see him handcuff anyone, pat anyone down, engage in a high speed chase or shoot someone or even shoot at someone.

6. He is cross-eyed but nobody ever asks him how good a lawman he could be with this condition. Interesting enough, in addition everybody he meets seems to know which of his eyes in the working one, thus avoiding that perennial awkwardness we all face over this difficult issue.

7. Keeps it gangsta. ‘Colombo’ is the family name of one of the famous five New York mafia families along with Gambino, Lucchese, Bonanno and Profaci.

8. Style. He never goes all poilceman with bad words and unseemly interrogations. The guilty person knows they're guilty and Columbo know’s they're guilty. Columbo knows he’ll get them in the end so why get all aggressive like other better dressed yet more tense TV cops? Colombo prefers to let them introduce them to their expensive friends, give him expensive cigars to smoke, expensive food to eat in the meantime...until such time ny the end when it would be rude for him not to arrest them.

9. His dress sense is considered shabby by society at large. (This also disqualifies him for the same reasons since this grimey look is not for fashion reasons. Plus, no man could go twenty years without changing his mac. Mac? Mack? Get it?...Just laugh now and figure it out later.)

10. The smart wife. She can’t OR won’t iron his clothes...OR she’s so canny she keeps it so that Colombo won’t stray during any of his ‘investigations’ by keeping him looking like a hobo.

While I'm at it...Ten Quick Reasons why Dr.Richard Kimble (AKA The Fugitive) should have been Black:
1) He was successful and thus married to a white woman
2) He was falsely accused of murdering the white woman
3) He was framed (see 2)
4) He was harassed over the a crime he didn’t commit.
5) He was pursued over the a crime he didn’t commit.
6) He was arrested over the a crime he didn’t commit.
7) He was received a life-sentence over the a crime he didn’t commit.
8) He escaped to freedom.
9) He was pursued AGAIN over the same crime he didn’t commit.
10) ...Wait? You really need a tenth?!