The thing about relationship blogs is...

Hello! Oh, you weren’t expecting the next blog so quickly huh? Well, what can I say? When I do it I DO IT!

Gbontwi is indeed back. I figure a good way to stroll back into the blogging scene is to talk about other blogs.

How is that the relationship blog is so popular?

Of all the blogs I’ve ever read or discussed on various forms the relationship blog is always HUGE. I see you Dr Rob! I see you too Evelyn!

It means people –male and female want to be in relationships even though we’re all independent and so on. Blogs about just successfully having sex are out there too but blogs on how to comport yourself in coupledom are more than holding their own (see what I did there)so I take them all as a good sign.

How Gbontwi gets women can’t really be put in writing. I smile at a woman and string together funny words in a order she's never heard before and tell her I'll need my number if she wants to hear more. And she does. And have sex.

That's it.

That's it?

No more to see here.

Now, what kind of blog would my approach make for? Yes, a boring one.

You might even be a woman reading this but I have no idea if you'd be the type I would disturb at a debate evening or dairy aisle at Tesco.

The scenarios in the relationship blogs (or 'case studies' if you will) are always so extreme to the point that if they even existed I hope they have no children or no more in addtion to the three by different partners they already have. I feel like I've lived a sheltered life when I read most relationship blogs because the East London (read European ghetto Brooklyn styled ghetto) population I've grown up besides seem like a Jehovah's Witness convention compared to moral-free men and women running threw these blogs and permanently putting the writer of the writer's friends off people of a certain colour, age or particular social welfare.

How is it (I ask myself or the blogger if I have the opportunity) do I never meet these lawless unforgivable people. They're like those wild and those acute designs in catwalk fashion shows -I never see em out here in the real world. Men in the blogs find out that their fiance has previously slept with whole crew/entourage/family. I find that my woman while lovely is a little bit too troublesome to consider spending the rest of my life with her. Mt Blogman woman leaves him when his car is reposessed outside the club. My women are very obliging of the fact that IO only drive a Peugeout (yes, that's the same brand of car as Columbo's) and have still been willing to do things in the backseat. Mr Blog man can't find a woman who doesn't need any recipient of her phone number to be in a Rolls Royce Phantom.

#GaShrug
- Maybe I'm lucky?
- Maybe I put out a certain energy that says only REAL women need apply?
- Maybe my charm immunises these women against the naughty traits they displaty for lesser men?

You're thinking that last one is the most unlikely innit!? You're lucky I agree withn you or I wuold use juju to reach through this computer to slap you this very now!

ANYWAY! All this means is you don’t have to worry yourself. I’ve never been a relationship blogger and never will be but I like to understand trends and whether they’re new trends or just remixed ones. As far as I can figure with the relationship blog it’s not so much that people read them (or watch the youtube versions) to relate to what they're seeing and they can see other people having a worse of the WO-MAN thing than them!

SO with all that said -With this blog I do vow to keep discussing offbeat subjects that other bloggers will overlook.

It's not that I can't...IN FACT, I might now tackle some relationship stuff –if only to be able to say things like “Women want a man in a Range Rover. Not a man roving about within his range.”
^ I just made that up!
Y'see what I mean?!?

I dey like I no dey!*

HAPPY NEW YEARRRRR!

Yes! I CANNOT believe this is the first time I have blogged this year.
I hope your belief system doesn't hold that not bad luck to wish somebody a happy new year in summer or after a riot season or on a Wednesday in August. I will straight away begin with apologising to my readers for my absence and NOT boring you with all that "How the time flew! business. Yes, it feels like yesterday I was deciding which New Years resolutions I wouldn't bother with but what does it all really matter now?

Why I haven’t been blogging. No I haven't been looting, no I haven't got a beautiful African chieftess pregnant and yes my car has dissapeared!

My alibi: WRITING. Not my blog obviously but my second novel AND a TV show both of which you'll be hearing plenty about soon-soon! By the way, did you buy my first one yet? What Do you Call It? Yeah. THAT one!

Another reason I haven't blogged is I am now in the process of shooting letters off to agents in a hunt for one of them to represent me. I have recently finished with third draft of my second novel that I'm happy with and the process of getting an agent is LONG.

Long? Long. My urban dwellers know what that means. For those who live life neat I mean getting an agent is an UNBELIEVABLY ARDUOUS PROCESS. More of that in the...third? fourth? third blog after this one! (will come back and re-edit this if it's actually the second. Suffice it to say for now getting an agent without whom the big puiblishing houses won't look at you is almost as hard as writing the book itself. Well...it's not really...but it is...but isn't at the same time.

I am inspired to return to my blog writing by the likes of new blogger friends like Dr.Rob, Ms Cole, JJ Bola, Simple Simon and the one and only Evelyn Past-Exotic. Check out their blogs when you get a chance and smile or laugh or nod...or ALL three of those things at the REALLY good parts!

Anyway, back to me! The fact that I obviously can't work creatively and journalistically (as a blog kind of is) it’s a damning indictment (yes- I said ‘indictment’ –we use big English here so ready yourself!) against a claim I like to make when I’m feeling troublesome that men can multi-task as well as women.

But in my defense, while I have been keeping my work-rate up I have been spending copious amounts of time on the Facebook group for this podcast: Eloquently Saying Nothing. It’s a lot of fun on this facebook group and maybe some of my commentary and treatises there might make for the beginnings of blogs HERE. I’m trying to get back in the blogging state of mind -YESSSSSSS! Now that I haven't been writing anything creative for a while I can already feel my blogging and truth telling powers aer returning. And surely, like seeing the car you’re looking to buy constantly driving past I’m gonna surely (I said 'surely' twice in one sentence -did you see it!? you can;t tell I;m African innit! No respect for the propriety of the Queen's Mother's language!) see blog ideas coming at me plentyplenty, from everywhere.

ANYWAY, tell a friend to tell a friend to tell a friend Gbontwi Anyetei is back!
In fact, MI DEYA!

*Oh by the way the title of this blog for those blog: 'I dey like I no dey' is Ghana Pidgin-English phrase that translate as I'm here like I'm not here i.e. just keeping a low profile...which is kind of what I';ve been doing if you don't know where to find me in East London.